Blog
13 Jul Overcoming Relationship Ambivalence and Deciding Whether to Stay in Your Marriage: A Review of “Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay” by Mira Kirshenbaum
Posted at 9:13 am in Uncategorized by jlbworks
“If you’ve suspected that it’s not good for you to stay up in the air, you’re right. Staying ambivalent, in fact, can cause tremendous damage. Being stuck like this can end up killing you emotionally if you stay when you should be getting out. And it can end up killing your relationship if you keep thinking about leaving when it could be fixed if you only put energy into it. You can end up being d…
30 Jun Why Do I Keep Attracting Narcissistic Relationships?
Posted at 2:40 pm in Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), News by jlbworks
Finding yourself repeatedly involved with narcissistic partners can feel like an exhausting cycle that seems impossible to break. This pattern is more common than many people realize, and understanding the underlying psychological mechanisms can be the first step toward creating healthier relationship dynamics. Understanding the Attraction Pattern When individuals consistently attract or are attra…
22 Jun Rethinking the Model of Monogamy as the Only Sensible Approach to Marriage: Reflections on the Work of Esther Perel and Dan Savage.
Posted at 9:04 am in Couples Therapy by jlbworks
By Philip Chanin, Ed.D., ABPP, CGP Board Certified Clinical Psychologist Assistant Clinical Professor, Department of Psychiatry Vanderbilt University Medical Center www.drphilchanin.com philchanin@gmail.com “Dan Savage has for 20 years been saying monogamy is harder than we admit and he has been articulating a sexual ethic that he thinks honors the reality, rather than the romantic ideal, o…
08 Jun “Love Demands a Complete Inner Transformation”: Essential Tools for a Successful Marriage
Posted at 1:51 pm in Couples Therapy by jlbworks
By Philip Chanin, Ed.D., ABPP, CGP Board Certified Clinical Psychologist Assistant Clinical Professor, Department of Psychiatry Vanderbilt University Medical Center www.drphilchanin.com philchanin@gmail.com “The charity of the Desert Fathers is not set before us in unconvincing effusions. The full magnitude of the task of loving others is recognized everywhere and never minimized. It is hard to…
01 Jun “If This is Love, Why Do I Feel So Bad?”: A Review of When Love Goes Wrong: What to do When You Can’t Do Anything Right: Strategies for Women with Controlling Partners by Ann Jones and Susan Schechter
Posted at 12:38 pm in Couples Therapy by jlbworks
By Philip Chanin, Ed.D, ABPP, CGP Board Certified Clinical Psychologist Assistant Clinical Professor, Department of Psychiatry Vanderbilt University Medical Center www.drphilchanin.com philchanin@gmail.com “Because the controller builds himself up at the expense of others, no one can remain in a relationship with him without giving up important parts of the self…First you may give up certain activ…
01 Jun “We Marry our Unfinished Business”: Considering How Our Childhood Wounds Guide Our Mate Selection
Posted at 10:57 am in Couples Therapy by jlbworks
By Philip Chanin, Ed.D., ABPP, CGP Board Certified Clinical Psychologist Assistant Clinical Professor, Department of Psychiatry Vanderbilt University Medical Center www.drphilchanin.com philchanin@gmail.com Betrayed but Stuck In a recent New York Times article (May 30, 2026, p. D6) entitled “Ask the Therapist,” psychotherapist Lori Gottlieb responds to a letter from a woman whose husband has had m…
12 May What Gaslighting Looks Like in a Marriage—and When to Get Help
Posted at 4:30 pm in Couples Therapy, Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), News by jlbworks
Gaslighting is one of the most emotionally damaging patterns that can develop within a marriage. Unlike obvious conflict or direct verbal abuse, gaslighting often unfolds gradually. One spouse may begin to question their own memory, emotions, judgment, or sense of reality after repeated manipulation from their partner. Over time, this can create confusion, anxiety, low self-esteem, and emotional e…
13 Apr Can Marriage Counseling Help When Summer Break Disrupts Family Routines?
Posted at 4:52 pm in Couples Therapy, News by jlbworks
Summer break is often associated with relaxation, travel, and more time together as a family. However, the shift away from structured school schedules can also introduce unexpected stress into a household. When routines are disrupted, responsibilities shift, and expectations go unspoken, even strong relationships can feel strained. For many couples, this seasonal transition highlights underlying…
23 Mar Psychotherapy as the Raising of Consciousness: Considering the Ideas of Brazilian Educator Paulo Freire
Posted at 9:41 am in Individual Therapy, News by jlbworks
By Philip Chanin, Ed.D, ABPP, CGP Board Certified Clinical Psychologist Assistant Clinical Professor, Department of Psychiatry Vanderbilt University Medical Center www.drphilchanin.com philchanin@gmail.com Paulo Freire (September, 1921—May, 1997) was a Brazilian educator and Marxist philosopher whose work revolutionized global thought on education. He is best known for his book Pedagogy of the Opp…
16 Mar When Every Interaction is a Referendum on One’s Partner’s Self-Esteem: Seamless Mirroring, Blitzkrieg Affects, and the Immense Challenge of Coping with Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Posted at 9:29 am in Individual Therapy, News by jlbworks
By Philip Chanin, Ed.D., ABPP, CGP Board Certified Clinical Psychologist Assistant Clinical Professor, Department of Psychiatry Vanderbilt University Medical Center “We all view life through the lens of (our) experiences, but the narcissist has something more, not just a lens but a prism that refracts and distorts incoming messages to avoid the intolerable feeing of shame. This means that you are…