Blog
30 Jul Understanding Covert Depression in Young Adults
Posted at 3:09 pm in Depression Treatment, News by jlbworks
When people think about depression, they often imagine someone who appears visibly sad, withdrawn, or unable to function. While those symptoms certainly exist, depression is not always easy to recognize. Many young adults experience what is commonly referred to as “covert depression,” where emotional distress is carefully hidden behind a successful, social, or seemingly happy exterior. College stu…
27 Jul What is the Problem with Complaining? Considering the Differing Perspectives of John Gottman and Terrence Real
Posted at 8:57 am in Uncategorized by jlbworks
“You will always have some complaints about the person you live with. But there’s a world of difference between a complaint and a criticism. A complaint only addresses the specific action at which your spouse failed. A criticism is more global—it adds on some negative words about your mate’s character or personality. ‘I’m really angry that you didn’t sweep the kitchen floor last night. We agreed t…
20 Jul Terrence Real’s Reflections on Performance Based Self-Esteem Versus Real Self-Esteem
Posted at 10:41 am in Couples Therapy by jlbworks
By Philip Chanin, Ed.D., ABPP, CGP Board Certified Clinical Psychologist Assistant Clinical Professor, Department of Psychiatry Vanderbilt University Medical Center www.drphilchanin.com philchanin@gmail.com “Like Narcissus’s obsession, covert depression is at its core a disorder of self-esteem. Healthy self-esteem is essentially internal. It is the capacity to cherish oneself in the face of one’…
20 Jul What’s Best for Your Children? Terrence Real’s Suggestions for Couples Contemplating Divorce
Posted at 10:21 am in Couples Therapy by jlbworks
By Philip Chanin, Ed.D., ABPP, CGP Board Certified Clinical Psychologist Assistant Clinical Professor, Department of Psychiatry Vanderbilt University Medical Center www.drphilchanin.com philchanin@gmail.com “Whether it is better for children to have divorced parents or unhappy parents depends primarily on the level of open conflict in the home. Decades of developmental research indicate th…
13 Jul Overcoming Relationship Ambivalence and Deciding Whether to Stay in Your Marriage: A Review of “Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay” by Mira Kirshenbaum
Posted at 9:13 am in Uncategorized by jlbworks
“If you’ve suspected that it’s not good for you to stay up in the air, you’re right. Staying ambivalent, in fact, can cause tremendous damage. Being stuck like this can end up killing you emotionally if you stay when you should be getting out. And it can end up killing your relationship if you keep thinking about leaving when it could be fixed if you only put energy into it. You can end up being d…
30 Jun Why Do I Keep Attracting Narcissistic Relationships?
Posted at 2:40 pm in Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), News by jlbworks
Finding yourself repeatedly involved with narcissistic partners can feel like an exhausting cycle that seems impossible to break. This pattern is more common than many people realize, and understanding the underlying psychological mechanisms can be the first step toward creating healthier relationship dynamics. Understanding the Attraction Pattern When individuals consistently attract or are attra…
22 Jun Rethinking the Model of Monogamy as the Only Sensible Approach to Marriage: Reflections on the Work of Esther Perel and Dan Savage.
Posted at 9:04 am in Couples Therapy by jlbworks
By Philip Chanin, Ed.D., ABPP, CGP Board Certified Clinical Psychologist Assistant Clinical Professor, Department of Psychiatry Vanderbilt University Medical Center www.drphilchanin.com philchanin@gmail.com “Dan Savage has for 20 years been saying monogamy is harder than we admit and he has been articulating a sexual ethic that he thinks honors the reality, rather than the romantic ideal, o…
08 Jun “Love Demands a Complete Inner Transformation”: Essential Tools for a Successful Marriage
Posted at 1:51 pm in Couples Therapy by jlbworks
By Philip Chanin, Ed.D., ABPP, CGP Board Certified Clinical Psychologist Assistant Clinical Professor, Department of Psychiatry Vanderbilt University Medical Center www.drphilchanin.com philchanin@gmail.com “The charity of the Desert Fathers is not set before us in unconvincing effusions. The full magnitude of the task of loving others is recognized everywhere and never minimized. It is hard to…
01 Jun “If This is Love, Why Do I Feel So Bad?”: A Review of When Love Goes Wrong: What to do When You Can’t Do Anything Right: Strategies for Women with Controlling Partners by Ann Jones and Susan Schechter
Posted at 12:38 pm in Couples Therapy by jlbworks
By Philip Chanin, Ed.D, ABPP, CGP Board Certified Clinical Psychologist Assistant Clinical Professor, Department of Psychiatry Vanderbilt University Medical Center www.drphilchanin.com philchanin@gmail.com “Because the controller builds himself up at the expense of others, no one can remain in a relationship with him without giving up important parts of the self…First you may give up certain activ…
01 Jun “We Marry our Unfinished Business”: Considering How Our Childhood Wounds Guide Our Mate Selection
Posted at 10:57 am in Couples Therapy by jlbworks
By Philip Chanin, Ed.D., ABPP, CGP Board Certified Clinical Psychologist Assistant Clinical Professor, Department of Psychiatry Vanderbilt University Medical Center www.drphilchanin.com philchanin@gmail.com Betrayed but Stuck In a recent New York Times article (May 30, 2026, p. D6) entitled “Ask the Therapist,” psychotherapist Lori Gottlieb responds to a letter from a woman whose husband has had m…